a) wouldn't do
b) wouldn't admit to doing
c) wouldn't remember doing, thus being unable to admit to doing
- passed 3 piss tests, the probationary equivalent of jumping through hoops [Broadway's own trained seal, at your service]
- saw a movie in a real live movie theater [district 9. download it instead, trust me, unless you relish paying for disappointing conclusions]
- admitted out loud the extent of my mining the smacktail during my last university semester, much to the sick fascination of those listening [inquiring about ingestion methods, etc--what am i supposed to do, advise you to make human pincushions of yourselves? because i will if i have to, my conscience got hit by a car a long time ago]
- got a library card [obligatory good-girl curveball of the list]
- took an ill-advised concert cruise which--while kicking great heaping piles of musical ass in the form of Amon Tobin--was a truly nightmarish experience in all other aspects, fraught with douchebags, $10 drinks, & histrionic bitches stomped to death on the dancefloor
- landed three job interviews
- was stood up for one of those three by a vaguely humanoid piece of shit who had me waiting in starbucks for 40 minutes like it was 2006 all over again & i was some second-rate slice of velvet underground lyric
- enrolled in two cash-heavy clinical trials, each of which disqualifies me from participating in the other, but they don't have to know that
- sleepwalked, apparently several times
- passed through the eye of a needle, but apparently it was the wrong kind, goddamnit
tonight i win friends & influence people under the influence with "wandering violin serenades" at Winkel's "stranded" party. which has had the shit advertised out of it for the past month, so either we all get our artistic endeavors "discovered" or we get shut down stampeded crushed arrested & probably shot by a pile of overzealous nightlife cops. guess which one i'm expecting!!!!
no but really this'll be fun. just don't tell anyone
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